The Tuesday Shortlist – Oblivion

Portsmouth are in all sorts of trouble. The tax man, a former owner, several English clubs and a French one are all after them for unpaid debts and dishonoured agreements. In a worst-case scenario, the “Kings Lynn of the Premier League” could go bankrupt. This week, the Shortlist presents significant clubs from history that are no more:

• Blackburn Olympic The first Northern team to win the FA Cup in 1882/3, but folded at the end of that decade, unable to compete with larger rivals Rovers. Their cup triumph paved the way for the legalising of professionalism in football.
• Leeds City Entered the football league in 1904, and by 1914 were heading in the right direction under Herbert Chapman. In 1919 the FA caught onto their illegal wartime player payments, and made them the only club to be ejected from the league during the season. United took their place at Elland Road.
• Third Lanark Founder members of the Scottish Football League, 1904 League champions and twice Scottish Cup winners, the Glasgow outfit offered an alternative to the sectarian Old Firm. But by 1967 Third’s finances were a mess, and a Board of Trade investigation lead to the club being declared bankrupt.
• Gretna Elected to the Scottish Football League in 2002, after more than 50 years in English non-league, Gretna were in the SPL and Europe within just 5 years. This was due to the financial support of Brooks Mileson, but when he became severely ill, Gretna was suddenly unable to pay it’s debts.
• Aldershot Folded mid-season in 1992 under the weight of excessive debt whilst in division 4. A new club, Aldershot Town, was immediately formed in the Isthmian League, and gained league status after 15 years fighting their way up the non-league pyramid.
• Wimbledon Financial problems caused by an inability to find a suitable place for a new home led to a takeover by a new consortium. Who promptly moved the club to Milton Keynes in 2004 with the FA’s blessing and renamed the club MK Dons, leaving their existing fans in limbo. Some formed a club of their own, AFC Wimbledon, who now lie only two divisions below the old club’s illegitimate offspring. We await their first meeting with trepidation.

As the Premier League winds it’s way into the second half of the season, the legions of paid pundits have to find something to blather about. This week’s list provides some left-field alternative suggestions for them to debate.

• Title-race Rooney? Gerrard? Drogba? Who will be the first to be knighted for services to diving?
• Top four Can anyone upset the apple cart and break into the top four wage earners?
• Player of the year Who went to the most parties, dated the most models and got photographed outside the most exclusive nightclubs?
• Rotation policy How many more owners will Portsmouth get through in 2010?
• World Cup squad Which pundits will make it to South Africa? Will ITV trump the BBC in a surprise result?
• Transfer rumours Will Manchester City win the league the easy way by buying every player in Europe?

As part of our Noughties Retrospective series, this week’s shortlist is a brief yet sordid reminder of the most scandalous episodes from football’s last decade, in no particular order.

Faria Alam

We didn’t enjoy hearing about the shenanigans of the FA’s secretary in the company of her employer and Sven, but we were forced to nonetheless. Faria made a fortune out of some very red executive faces, some of whom resigned. Sven sailed serenely on, getting off lightly because, well, he’s Swedish.

Adrian Mutu

Chelsea spent the best part of £16m to prise the Romanian striker from Inter, and he made a decent start. But then, in September 2004, Mutu failed a drugs test, and his cocaine habit became public knowledge.

Chelsea swiftly gave him the sack, and he was banned from football for seven months by the authorities. The Blues are still engaged in legal action with Mutu as they chase him for compensation over breach of contract.

Calciopoli

When, in 2006, Italian investigators discovered a match-fixing ring involving Calcio’s most famous clubs, all Italy was stunned, while in England we all phoned our mates to say “told you that ref in 1973 was crooked”.

Fiorentina, Lazio, Milan and Reggina were all involved, and punished, in the scam which sought to influence referees and the matches they were allocated to.

But it was Juventus, the Old Lady of Turin, who were most culpable and they were stripped of their Scudetto and demoted to Serie B. The national team, siege mentality implemented, eased the national pain by winning the World Cup.

Transfer bungs

Early in 2006, Luton manager Mike Newell “bravely” spoke out about a culture of transfer backhanders, and the FA initiated a cosy inquiry. Then in September, BBC’s Panorama turned English football upside-down with it’s secret video tapes of managers and agents compromising themselves.

The FA inquiry turned into a proper investigation, and a list of dodgy transfers was released. In November 2007, Harry Redknapp and others connected to Portsmouth were arrested, then released without charge, and the investigations have gradually died down.

Wembley

The national stadium rebuild turned into an international laughing stock – over budget, badly delayed and held to ransom by Australian contractors (well, they would, wouldn’t they). All this is now forgotten as we bask in the shadow of that giant arch, but in the early part of the decade there were serious doubts whether the project would, or even should, be completed.

Fatcats wasted ridiculous sums of money at every opportunity, disagreed over everything, and very nearly caused an international incident with their squabbles with the Australian’s.

World Cup handbags

When it comes to CONCACAF chief Jack Warner, no stranger to scandal himself (see below), nothing the FA can do is good enough. So when, as part of the 2018 World Cup bid, delegates were presented with expensive designer handbags, the FA might have recognised that they were headed for trouble.

One perceived slight and one strongly worded yet somewhat incoherent letter later, the handbag was returned to a chorus of embarrassed coughs from FA bigwigs. Mrs. Warner wasn’t best pleased either, it was a designer bag after all.

World Cup tickets

Pretty much everything connected to FIFA is tainted by scandal in one way or another, but this one took the biscuit. As CONCACAF President, Honest Jack Warner was ultimately responsible for the sale of World Cup tickets in the region.

With his native Trinidad & Tobago having qualified, Warner saw to it that a family firm was selected as partner, and trousered about $1m dollars in black market sales. FIFA cottoned on and levied a matching fine, but Warner had too many friends in high places and only repaid a quarter of the money.

Somewhere, in an alternate universe, Liverpool are six points clear at the top, Alberto Aquilani is heading for player of the season and Rafa is being hailed a tactical genius. This is also the case in the dreams of thousands of Kop-ites, but unfortunately, in this dimension, they are experiencing a waking nightmare.

Out of the Champions League, out of the title running, potentially out of Europe altogether next season, and with owners who are not welcome at Anfield or in each others homes. It couldn’t get much worse, except that it has after they lost 2-0 at Portsmouth today, the only Premier League club who can match them for Pantomime, and had Javier Mascherano sent off for a second time this season.

Envious glances are being cast north of the border, where a deep financial crisis for Glasgow Rangers was evident in a scrappy 6-1 win over Motherwell that strengthened their position at the top of the table. Rumours abound that Benitez is in favour of a league swap with Rangers, who are desperate for a bit of a challenge.

The only person Rafa won’t be envious of is Mark Hughes, who lost his job today, but he will be grateful that the media have been distracted from his own troubles like a hungry dog thrown a juicy steak by a burgler. This was especially so after an alarming press conference where Rafa answered questions mostly by chanting “the referee was perfect” in a Gregorian style.

Meanwhile, City’s thrilling 4-3 home win over Sunderland could have featured a naked Steve Bruce and it would still be utterly forgotten.

In London, Manchester United’s 9th string defence were dismantled by the excellent Fulham, the champions losing 3-0. Michael Owen was given a start, but was anonymous as always when the service to him is scarce. United have now lost 5 Premier League games this season, and this one was about as close to a thrashing as they ever get, although that may be what they did suffer at the hands of Fergie afterwards.

Aston Villa outbattled Stoke to win 1-0 at home and briefly take 3rd place, before Arsenal took it back again by beating Hull 3-0 at a half-empty Emirates. Apparently Gunners fans were stranded on the M1 north of Luton, presumably on their way back from ensuring Robbie Keane & Co. received the best of Irish hospitality.

Spurs played with the swagger that only a night out in Dublin can provide, and beat Blackburn 2-0 at Ewood Park. They await the Wrath of Redknapp on Monday. Harry himself had little reason for cheer as his lawyers chose an ideal day to bury bad news with the announcement that HMRC are taking action against him over a tax “issue”. Spurs announced that his position is safe, adding that this is a private matter unconnected to football. Suggestions that this by no means rules out a connection with Pompey are entirely mine.

Which brings us, in the manner of Michael Palin, full-circle. Portsmouth’s win over Liverpool saw them score the 500th goal of this bizarre Premier League season, but it wasn’t enough to move them off the bottom. However, should Chelsea beat West Ham tomorrow, Pompey will officially be the 19th best team in England.

Now that really is a crazy thought.

So it’s all ended in tears for Mark Hughes as he recieved a suave Italian boot out of the Manchester City bayt, along with his coaching staff. The owner of the Italian boot is Roberto Mancini, who you may remember from such clubs as Inter, Lazio and Sampdoria.

Many feel that Hughes’s sacking is harsh, this being his first full season at the club. On the other hand, Hughes spent vast sums of money this summer, and expectations were lifted as a result. Defensively City have been poor of late, with Toure and Lescott looking like expensive flops compared to the departed Richard Dunne, who is proving one of the players of the season at Aston Villa.

Hughes will doubtless land on his feet with a mammoth payout and a new job soon enough, although he’ll never again be able to say “£24 million for Joleon Lescott? Bargain!”

City’s 4-3 home win over Sunderland today was rendered a sideshow, as speculation was rife before the match that Hughes was on his way regardless of the result. There were even rumours that Hughes had already left, but he did appear in the dugout to go through the motions. It was fairly obvious that he already knew his fate, as he saluted the four corners of Eastlands at the end of the match. None of the coaching staff were allowed to speak to the media after the game, before the club announced the move in a statement about an hour later.

What of Mancini? Having “famously” played a handful of matches for Leicester City in 2001, he took up management with Fiorentina, with whom he won the Coppa Italia, a trick he repeated after moving on to Lazio. When Inter came calling, Mancini was to end the Nerazzurri’s long title drought, albeit thanks to Juventus’ involvement in the Calciopoli scandal. Two further Scudetti, two Coppa Italia and two SuperCoppa Italia successes made him arguably the most successful Inter coach since Helenio Herrera in the ’60s. Less convincing performances in the Champions League led to his departure from the San Siro in May 2008, to be replaced by Jose Mourinho.

Sympathy for Hughes aside, this is a solid appointment for City, particularly with Brian Kidd operating as assistant to provide native knowledge. Mancini’s first task will be to sort out the defensive problems, and who better to achieve that than an Italian?

Five Mancini morsels

• As a player, Mancini partnered Luca Vialli up front as Sampdoria won their only Scudetto in 1989. Other honours with Samp include the Cup Winners’ Cup and four Coppa Italia.
• Mancini played under Sven-Göran Eriksson at Lazio, and completed a Scudetto/Coppa Italia double in 2000.
• In 2001, Mancini made a handful of appearances for Leicester City before returning to Italy for “personal reasons”. It turned out he had been offered the managerial position at Fiorentina.
• Roberto Mancini won 36 caps for the Azzurri, but did not play at either Italia ‘90 (despite being part of the squad) or USA ‘94, the latter after falling out with coach Arrigo Sacchi, an episode that spelt the end of his international career.
• In 227 games in charge of Inter, Mancini’s record was 140 wins, 26 draws and 61 defeats.